I'm pretty overwhelmed by the gamut of emotions that are hitting me in the face right now, both in terms of magnitude and variety. I didn't think it was possible to have that many feelings at once. Disappointment, confusion, little bit of undirected anger, torn by the need to remain optimistic and the want to just wallow in self-pity for a while coupled with PMS, and I am a time-bomb waiting to go off.

Well I can't say that I didn't see it coming though, I just hoped that perhaps things would have a chance of turning out another way. It's probably not politically correct to be thinking what I am right now, but I am only human, so just let me have my feelings. 

To start things off, some people will probably never know what it feels like to have worked hard for something and have it wheezed past your face in the most unceremonious manner possible. And to have it repeated over and over again until your mind and soul is battered from fatigue and unsure of direction. To be holding on to faith so tightly and have something you hoped for prove to be a stab in the dark is like climbing up a mountain and then falling off a cliff.

I guess to have high expectations, of things, of people is a very bad idea altogether. The more you expect, the more you anticipate, the more you believe, the more you simply disappoint. I guess that's the way life is, and we should just roll with the punches. I'm glad, however, that some people are still worth the effort :) To people who say something and mean another, my anger is wasted on you.

To the people that have faith in me, I will work hard and try not to let you down, for I know what being let down feels like - awful. And though my faith may waver, it will never disappear despite the situation, because that's what faith's about - holding on when you feel like letting go.

This has been a cryptic and incoherent post with no semblance of organization whatever. Referred to many things, and people when writing this post, so please do not flippantly assume.

I'm not just a number, so watch me FLY.